The show last night was fabulous, Really!
I have to say it was one of the first times that I've sung an entire concert (2 sets) and experienced my voice as totally outside and above my head! JOY TO THE WORLD!!! And to you, my friend, for sticking with me through my ups and downs for almost an entire decade! Only to finally end up in this wonderful place that you knew existed all along.
I will say that I'm not "totally in the clear yet" meaning that whatever has not been put in 100% (or 110%, which is what we're really striving for) shows. So here and there I did have to catch myself to not "do the wrong things" because as you and I both know, my voice can no longer take it. Not a smidgen. So here and there I did feel that if I wasn't careful I might "croak." Not pretty to say, but the truth. And even if it would have been only for a second, on a note here or there, it would've thrown me off for the rest of the night. I couldn't allow that.
So I did monitor myself whenever I "felt" something that I shouldn't have...It was also incredibly interesting to note things that are becoming clearer and clearer to me since I've been intensively working on my own (now that you're not around to guide me from week to week.) It's meant that I've had to develop this very intimate relationship with my voice and the work, and through that I've discovered things that I wasn't really getting to the bottom of before. Such as "sounds moving upward and backward"...hello! That's like the basis of your whole teaching. :-)
But for whatever reason, I was still stuck in my unconscious pattern of pushing or subconsciously thinking that sounds are moving forward!
I just realized how that's been true through all these years and I'm finally REALLY grasping – consciously AND subconsciously – what it really means that sounds are moving upwards and backwards!
And another very beautiful thing that I noticed as I was singing last night, is how I have still been tending to push – instead of SPEAK – on so many songs...out of old habits. And it applies to songs we've worked on 100 times, just as much as it does to songs we haven't worked on that much. But it was fascinating to observe it (as if from somewhere in the back of my mind, or as if from outside the "balloon") as I was actually singing these songs... Partially it was just my old habits and subconscious "beliefs" that sounds move forward and need to be "pushed out." And partially it was habits I've kept alive on certain parts of songs, like long notes at the end of a phrase or song, or high notes (especially long ones) like at the climax of a song.
I clearly saw these old habits for what they are basically because whenever any pushing started happening (from an old habit) I would start feeling it and feeling that I wasn't going to be able to hold it. A very strong and obvious feeling that I wouldn't be able to see the note through unless I focused on the word and intention – on SPEAKING it – instead of the sound (which engaged my old habits of pushing)! Very, very interesting.
But again, all in all the concert shocked me, and wowed my audience. I sold every CD I brought last night. And I kept hearing the praises of everyone there, from people I'd just met, to my friends & family, to the organizers of the event...and even from my musicians! Which is always extra special. :-) But most importantly, I heard my own praises that THE WORK DOES PAY OFF!!!!!
This stuff not only works, but it is the most magical approach to singing I've ever encountered. And it leaves you feeling like you've connected to a place you don't even know where it is, but you do know it's magical. And you do know it's the right place. You know that it holds the secret.
Love you,Elin
PS Get better so we can take this work (and this voice) to the next level!!!! Where a STAR is born...
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